Learning to walk softly...

Sunday August 24th.

Distance from home, friends, family, community, creates a new path of learning. The isolation from all the things I once engaged with so regularly leaves me little to examine other than myself. When first arriving in a new culture it is easy to rail against the things that feel uncomfortable, like badly fitted clothing. When the culture refuses to change however, no matter how clearly the need for change seems, it becomes clear that the change must be internal. The 3 step path to serenity, change what I can/accept what I can’t/first know the difference, takes a little time to kick in for me because of that darned wisdom part. I get it, I just get it more slowly than some. My mind first wants to figure out how to effectively tell an entire city of 10,000,000 people that the way they walk down the street is rude. Once I have given the problem my full attention and exhausted every angle of changing them, only then do I realize it is I who must change. Now, the more difficult question: How?

I could train myself, as the people here (and in big cities all over the world) have done, to never look anyone in the eye, to pretend they are not there, to walk as if I am the only person on the sidewalk bullying my way through and ignoring the consequences. I've tried that by the way and there is some satisfaction to it. I could be reactive and angry. Or, I could train myself to be small and to give ground and let the city and the people unwittingly crush me and walk on by. They wouldn’t do it out of any malice. They are only bent on their own paths, moving forward in the way they’ve been taught to do. Neither is my choice. Instead, I can simply, gently, kindly, make my way through and around people without insult. Firmly, but gently. Gently. I can be so rough sometimes, especially when I feel hurt or afraid. Gently.

Yesterday I wanted to pass through the doorway of a store at the mall. There was a local woman standing in the doorway looking at the merchandise without stepping in. I excused myself but she didn’t move and didn’t respond (this is normal for women here who have learned to protect their space by acting as if they don’t see or hear anyone they don’t know). I asked again slightly louder this time to be sure she heard me and even leaned forward to ensure she could see me as well. No response. I thought about getting angry, but didn’t. I only wanted to go in the store. I didn’t want to engage in a battle wills. So I gently but firmly put my hands on her shoulders and said “Permiso por favor” softly and with a smile, looking directly into her eyes as I moved past her into the store, smiling. She stood seemingly in shock and stared at me, almost breathless. I have no idea what she was thinking or how she felt about the exchange. I don’t need to know. I only need to know that I wasn’t angry with her and I didn’t allow the situation to make me feel resentful or frustrated. I got what I wanted, I didn’t hurt anyone and I turned the situation into one that felt right for me. The two sales staffers in the store giggled and smiled after the woman left and weren’t sure what to think of me I suppose. There is a lot of that. Not knowing what to think of me. It helps me to remember that the people here are just as disconcerted by me as I am by them. It will serve me to remember that while I will cease to be disconcerted by them, they will continue to find me an enigma - other than those who know me well. Eventually I will have gotten used to this place and to the people who populate but I will always be a stranger to them. Gently Annie.